My intentions…
I still think about you Kyle G sometimes. Kyle V says you’re a ghost of my past and hold a type of jelly that I can’t remedy. Because how you seem appear in anecdotes I tell even a decade and a half later. I’m proud of the deep emotional bond we formed; you left your mark on me.
You will always have the memory of the first guy I fell in love with officially and endured my “personality” while traveling and more. I want to make it explicitly clear we both tolerated a lot of fucked up behaviors because we didn’t know any better. I blamed you for a lot of issues I had and it wasn’t fair since you didn’t respond in kind. But that doesn’t equate to being completely innocent either.
I hope to interact with you without all the drama but it’s hard because that’s all I’ve known. I wish, I really do, we could build something slowly, maybe through some gaming, where my (and your?) partner wouldn’t be threatened by our interaction. Kyle V is terrified any type of interaction would mean the end to what we have but I disagree. My desire to contact you isn’t out of trying to fuck up your life or mine. Google Gemini has said I should leave you alone; I basically traumatized you and our interactions are terribly painful for you. They are for me too but I want to process and move past it; to make a better experience that resolves some of the lingering emotional scabs.
In hindsight (ha) entering in our history into Google Gemini indicates I traumatized you and any positive emotions you may feel for me is shadowed by my negative impressions. I’d like to think the same and why I act so out of charcter when we do interact. I swear I don’t act that way on a regular basis.
You were a big part of me; the good and the bad. That’s something I’d like to revisit eventually. I looked up your LinkedIn for the first time in more than 10+ years and see you used your profile picture you made after our separation. I hope you’re doing well.
If you are capable of interacting with me with the understanding I might push boundaries and have the intensity of the sun. Honestly a big part of that behavior was eliciting a response I didn’t get growing up or from you. I do not expect you to fulfill those emotional needs now. I still think fondly of your parents.
Ideally I’d like to catch up, talk about our families, and share what we’ve been up to. I have never forgotten you; it just doesn’t work out when either of reached out in the past. If you’re open let’s go slow and build up something new, no expectations. I’ve tried too hard to force you onto MY timeline and I respect that isn’t necessarily your timeline.
